Before going off to college, I had never shared a room with ANYONE else, so college was quiet a wake up call  going from my personal bedroom to a shared room + bathroom with 2 other girls. Living with room mates taught me a lot of things, but there were also some things I wish I had known before going into it all. Things like: whats normal to expect, what’s unusaual, + things that make the transition easier. So I’ve put together this post today to hopefully do that for you.

BEFORE rooming: (the stage when you’re just meeting, most likely online + preparing for living together)

  • Introduce yourself

When you find about your room mate (s) (if you don’t know them already) send out a group text or DM. Simply introduce yourself, possibly your major, where you’re from, or some of your hobbies to learn more about that person.

  • *You don’t need to become best friends right away

A lot of times people think you have to be best friends right away or that’s a bad sign– but don’t worry. You don’t need to text a whole bunch before the beginning of the school year. You have the whole year to do so! You will have plenty of time to get to know your room mate. 

  • Talk about items you’re each getting or sharing

Discuss what items you guys are getting or sharing, especially things like fridges, microwaves, rugs, coffee makers, bathroom stuff, etc. You don’t want to bring duplicates! If you’re wanting a specific theme or color theme, you could also go for that.

*Everyone I know has has a different process with contacting room mates before hand: some have sent photos to each other to get a better idea, some have facetimed, some have gone dorm room shopping together, others have only texted. You just have to feel out what the other person/ people are wanting. But don’t put any expectations on the whole process & don’t compare your experience to other people’s.

DURING: (finally rooming together)

  • communicate + be clear

The biggest thing about having a room mate is communicating! Let them know what your thinking or feeling, why something is upsetting you, what is annoying you, etc– I’m sorry but they can’t read your mind. You may have to set up ‘rules’ for your room at the beginning of the year or have tough conversations. All the conflicts I’ve had with room mates would have been better if we had just had some extra communication. You just may need to be the one to initiate it.

  • have extra grace for each other

Nobody is perfect. And college life is hard. It’s important to have extra grace for each other, especially because you may not know what’s going on under the surface. Try to go out of your way to help your room mate + show them extra kindness, even if it means bearing through a night of snoring or waking up to your room mates alarm clock every morning.

  • there may be problems + it’s okay to get help or advice 

There are some cases in which room mate situations need help or extra adult input. If you have done everything you can to solve conflicts + make rooming situations work, then you may need an outside source. But please know that you are not the problem. Some people just don’t adjust to college life well. Or their personality or schedule is just completely different than you. This is not abnormal.

  • *you may not be best friends

I was fortunate enough with one room mate who was a perfect fit for me, but another who was not. Sometimes you have different interests or schedules or friend groups. The room mate I didn’t really connect with was always out with her friends, loved to stay up late + was never around so we never got close… and that was okay because we had different interests. Just try to be as nice as possible + inclusive. But don’t try to force anything. There are plenty of other people at college you can befriend.

  • don’t make them your only friend

Yes, having a room mate is like having a built in friend for college + it is awesome when the relationship works out. But don’t cling on to them or make them your only friend. I absolutely loved that my room mate was in my close friend group (which made everything so much easier) but you also have to make your own friends + have plans without your room mate. This will be healthier for both you + your room mate– plus, no one should be around one person 24/7.

IF THEY MOVE OUT

if one of your room mates moves out in the middle of the year, that is OK– actually me and my 2 other best friends all at different schools had a roommate change dorms second semester so it is not unusual. Try to be as respectful as possible + end things on good terms if you can. And don’t blame yourself or regret it. It is their decision.


Shout out to my roomie! I’m so glad God put you in my life <3

Having room mates is like having an automatic built-in best friend + sleepover buddy. It is an amazing experience when things work out– and I hope that is true for you. But there are also times when hard conversations need to be had or things don’t work out as well.

I hope these tips can help better prepare you for having a room mate + guide you along the process. But overall, just embrace the process. Everyone has a different room mate story + experience. Some are more straight forward than others. And some are just plain awkward or hilarious. 

Comment down below the biggest thing you’ve learned from having a room mate or if any one of these tips resonated with you. And if you’re about to have a room mate for the first time, let me know what you’re most nervous or excited about.

Love,

Ainsley